April Fools in Second Life

By Bixyl Shuftan

The Newser's April Fool joke article got some chuckles, one calling it "short and sweet and almost believable." Another just commented, "Good one!" Zada Bury added to its believability by putting a link of her youtube in the comments. Unlike some past fooleries, there were absolutely no complaints. Some might see that as a sign of the joke not being funny enough, but it still got laughs. The only remark from the Lab was by Cosmic Mole,  "No comment."

But this was far from the only April Foolery around.

Once again, the Lab decided to get into the act. Their jab at Facebook/Meta last year was a tough act to follow. But they did. Starting Friday night, UFOs began appearing over Bellisseria. One resident stated they were built by Magic Mole and owned by Abnor. There was much chatter and mock panic in the Bellisseria group, "you said moles. i wasn't expecting UFOs!" "aLiEn LIfE fOrm DeTEcteD.. ExTerMiNaTe! EXTERMINATE! aTtentIon alL pLaneTs oF the AgNi FedErAtiOn.. wE hAve aSsumED cOnTRoL!" 

 

"Poor Hiiro is being lasered to death" "take me now aliens, I'm ready." "The one near me is not sending me tractor beams. nobody wants me. (sad)" "Most have moved along but that one is just obsessed with Hiiro." "Oh no, they got me. Goodbye cruel world. Bury my inventory with me." "Maybe those ufos are manned by bonniebots?" "Now there are Chinese balloons moving in." "an UFO, owned by ABNOR MOLE, beamed me above my Linden Jouseboat .. is it cnsidered as sexual harrasment .. any lawers avaiable here ? ..  and why this happened First of April hmmmmm? ... Thank you of correction .. I was assaulted by SLURPY v1.0 on last day of Marchh .. HEEEELP" "(name), have you welcomed your new alien overlords yet?"

The craft weren't truly saucer-shaped, but thick disks, resembling robot vacuum cleaners and were christened "roombas" by some Bellisserians. "Unidentified Flying Roomba." "How do you get them to clean your house?" Some had lit tendrils waving from one end, which a few joked were alien tentacles. Various residents would take pictures and post links in chat. Gemma Cleanslate would also take a few, and pointed out one to me that she had come across.

The UFOs, and mock panic and other chatter continued for some time. "WARNING hUmaN! PrEpAre to be tRansMogRifiEd!" "Find someone who can yodel?" And people continued to log in not knowing what was going on, "Hi - there's sapceships flying trying to shoot the houseboats (laughter) - how do we get rid of them?" "They could be scanning the area for faults or maybe to check peoples orbs coz some have it set lower then it suppose to be like 2 seconds." "I guess that's what I get for being a squatter in one of the Mole homes (not own-able by residents)."

Over time, people had to leave, "I need to get back to real-life. Have fun everyone and don't get probed by the Slurpies." And after many hours, the UFOs went away as fast as they appeared. 

 

And somehow, there was no sign of Elvis the whole time. 

There were other examples. For those who missed Team Firestorm's April Fool last year, they did it again. 

 

At Caledon Oxbridge University, there was a joke announcement about a class on griefing, "How to Grief."

Hello fellow evildoers. Join us for our How to Grief class! Learn how to cause trouble and aggravation for your fellow residents. Amaze and delight the two friends you still have left.

Bwahahahahaha!!!

The Sci-Fi con, which was going on, decided to get in on the act. There was a "debate" of sorts between people roleplaying characters from the planet Pandora of "Avatar," some as "Na'vi," others as spacefaring humans. There was also a moderator, trying to explain things to the audience, "after the humans on earth began space explorations, Pandora is the first world humans found with sentient life. They found a world lush with life, a thriving but dangerous ecology. And they found resources that changed the economy and life on earth. They were met with resistance by an indigent species known as the Na'vi, and they abandoned their first wave of acquisition. ... they've returned with better technology, and a greater interest in the resources of Pandora. Our panel today is to discuss what the mission of the current reach out truly is. What should be the status of Pandora in the scope of the interplanetary community?"

There were actually two groups of humans, "Lt. Colonel Derek Bowman representing the RDA," and a scientist from a different group, "Jadelee Hendricks representing the PCI is under contract through the UN with the Pandora Conservation Initiative as a senior technician and also as an avatar driver. The Na'vi call her a dreamwalker." She explained that part of her purpose was to try and repair the damage caused by the first humans, and were doing so only after getting permission from a Na'vi tribe to man an abandoned facility.

But the roleplayers didn't count on numerous tinies coming over with protest signs, "HUMANS WRECK PLANETS!" "No humans on Pandora!" "Leave Pandora to the Na'vi!" "Stay, stay, stay! Stay at home!" Eventually, some of the humans started to get nervous, such as the camera crew, "this is bad, very very bad. Let's get out of here!" So did the Colonel, "Things are getting rough here, need cover and extraction ASAP." Probably the best reaction was from one of the blue aliens, "This is a rather strange ritual, Keyeung. At least most of the beings here seem to be on our side."

 

 

For fans of Grendle's, it's time for the store's yearly April Fool's area to open up.

Welcome to Grendel's 11th Mostly Annual April Fools,  ... See the iMax, play board games, lob apples, swim with the fishies, visit the dinosaurium, enjoy wild and crazy art, run a real game of minefield, learn the Secret of Linden Success, and knock over Toadhenge a few times! Fireworks every Linden night ~@~ 5:27, 8:27, 11:27, and 1:27 both am & pm.  Take the rockets from the store!  Touch everything, trust nothing!   Brought to you for mostly the 11th time by Frog-n-Cat Productions!  

To get there, head to the Grendle's entrance at Avaria Tor (133/135/305). Jump on one of the three nearby rockets (actually sit on it), and you'll appear at the entrance of this special area. Feel free to look around, but not everything is as it appears and surprises are around every corner. As Toady herself says, "touch everything, trust nothing."

 

http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Avaria%20Tor/133/135/305

Finally, there was the April Fool that was played on the Sunweaver community. Club Cutlass, the community's airship club, had disappeared, leaving behind the dance floor, music board, and other furnishings and decorations hanging in the air. Anyone just simply teleporting up would likely end up falling to the ground and going "splat" Wile E. Coyote style.

Exactly what the explanation was, there's some confusion. Supposedly Cynthia had taken it down for a slight renovation. But Rita was saying "Our pirate ship got pirated by pirates!" 

But the club wasn't the only thing taken down. So did stretches of railway, and the Farshore Field Airport. Cynthia's April Fool was pretending to be upset at something and taking away her items in protest (which someone else did for real in the community over a decade ago). But everything will soon be back to normal.

There was some more funnery later on deserving of mention, such as the "Slime A Linden" at the Sci-Fi con. And there was the War Thunder game's April Fools, as well as "War of Warship's" April Fool's "Training Assistant" Grapply, "It  looks like you're trying to dodge a torpedo" and more. But this is all I have time to write about for now.

Hope your April Fool's Day went well,

Hat Tip: Gemma Cleanslate, Liska da'Lantros, Toady Nakamura

Bixyl Shuftan

The Last Roll: An SL Avatar Builder Makes a Fun Game For Real Life

By Bixyl Shuftan

2020 has been both a tragic, and crazy, year. On one hand, the Coronavirus has caused a great deal of tragedy. On the other, it's caused people to behave in strange ways. Local grocery stores in the United States and some other developed countries have often been short on particular foods and supplies. But for some peculiar reason, the item many seem to want to hoard more than anything else isn't canned food or bottled water. It's toilet paper. A number of us, presumably a small minority, bought up all they could early on in the Pandemic. And to this day, bathroom tissue can still be hard to come by.

Nance Clowes, a noted Second Life game maker, recently informed the Newser about "a free downloadable board game" poking fun at the absurdity of the situation made by an avatar maker in Second Life. So I tracked down the person better known for dinosaurs than tush tissue, Wanders Nowhere.

"It has, absolutely nothing to do with Second Life, or what I do (here), which is the Dawn Kingdoms dinosaur sims," Wanders told me, "And it's mostly my partner's work. But it is fun and topical. It's a printable, downloadable boardgame which is a satire of the Toilet Paper panic. We call it 'The Last Roll.' and you can find it at www.lastrollgame.com . It comes in (so far) two forms, the family-friendly boardgame version, Supermarket Dash, and the upcoming tabletop RPG version, TPocalypse."

When asked just when did he and his partner get the idea, he answered, "We were at a friend's house in the early days of the Covid crisis, before lockdown became a thing. We live in Australia, so things have all progressed a bit differently here, and at the time we'd convened for a solstice celebration party. We were discussing upcoming D and D games, and I got up to go to the bathroom. Someone made a joke about the toilet paper panic. And by the time I got back, everyone was laughing at the idea of turning that into an RPG set in a post-apocalypse, where TP is the only remaining currency.

"As the country locked down, the idea eventually shifted into doing two games, one that would be a family-friendly boardgame aimed to help families locked down together to have a laugh at the crisis. And another that would be the post-apocalyptic RPG, with a kind of over the top Mad Max meets Nightvale in a supermarket vibe. That's the upcoming 'TPocalypse' variant, which we're putting the finishing touches on now.

"We're offering both games on a pay-what-you-want basis. We understand that the crisis has hit people very hard economically and want to be able to share this even with people who can't afford to buy frivolous things like games right now. It's designed to be printable at home, but even if you don't have a printer, there's instructions for making your own board and markers. If we can give people even a bit of levity at this juncture, we'll consider it a success."

Wanders told me the game hadn't been around long enough yet for much of a response on social media, but, "We have playtested all our games and had a strong positive response. Dash in particular has become a favorite with some of the local families in our area."

He went on to explain the difference between the two games, "Supermarket Dash is a friendly silly tongue-in-cheek kind of game, TPocalypse goes all out on the surreal humour. Fungus zombies in the veggie section, a vacant-eyed cult of former staff members serving a Lovecraftian unseen Manager locked in an aisle-by-aisle turf war with a koven of murderous Karens gunning for the Manager's blood. And that's just the tip of the iceberg lettuce, shambling mounds made of shopping bags that can devour your character whole, you name it."

There's also a third game in the works: The Last Roll: Biggest Hoarder. In the words of the website, "Form alliances and break them, help out and hinder, tempt and trip up. You all arrive at the store together, but when it comes to the finish line, it’s every shopper for themselves. Pack out your cart with panic-buying, elbow whoever you can out of the way, and come out on top. But it’s all for nothing if you don’t have that precious roll of TP! An irreverent parody board game for 2-6 players aged 12+ (parental guidance). May the most underhanded shopper win!"

As for what Wanders makes in Second Life, he's one of the people at Dawn Kingdoms, making dinosaur avatars. When I asked him which was his favorite, he answered, "Whatever dinosaur I'm currently working on, that's my favorite at the time. I fall in love with each creation as it is born. It's the John Hammond in me, I swear." Prehistorica had grown since the Newser last wrote about it, "It's three sims now. There's a rocky plains, deep jungle, canyon, active volcano, all the classic dino tropes. There's also three underwater areas, a reef, kelp forest and abyss caves. And a floating dragon island with a minigame where you battle earth elementals." He did say there was one thing in the works, "That's my big hush master project (grin), so that will need more time." He then laughed, "Hell the only limit on my ambition is now 'how many prims do I have left to spawn animesh creatures with?' "

When asked if he had anything else to say about the game, Wanders answered, "I guess I could say that in times like these where everything is unexpected and everything feels like it could go badly at any minute, it's more important than ever to hold on to a sense of humour and be able to use that to get through things instead of only blocking out the bad stuff, particularly for kids. We hope our game can highlight that and give parents a way to introduce the idea of these sorts of changes, shortages and restrictions in a way that doesn't seem scary or overwhelming as it can be, even for adults. And with the TP panic easing off in many places that can be a relatively harmless aspect of this serious and terrible crisis, something safe to have a laugh at. Because let's face it, the fact that, when the chips are down and we're facing a global crisis, the first thing people do is panic buy toilet paper is really, really silly."

Read more about the games, and get them if you wish, at https://lastrollgame.com/ .

Bixyl Shuftan

LiaEx Freight Shipping

By Deaflegacy

I had a chance to meet up with Lia (female.winslet) recently to talk about her business, LiaEx.  My first question was about what LiaEx is about. “LiaEx is a leading freight delivery company here in Second Life," replied Lia, "We compete with GridEx and other freight carriers and we proudly serve much of the grid.”

I asked to know who is the creator of LiaEx and Lia answered that she is the creator. I wondered how long she had been running LiaEx.  Her response was, “Oh gosh. Probably close to a year. But it's only in the last two to three months that it has really taken off.”

I asked Lia if she is planning to make it a long term thing as in longer than a year or so. “Of course!," she answered, "Assuming that the SL economy remains strong and airports, seaports and other facilities continue wanting us to build facilities there, I see no reason we could not continue indefinitely.”

Lia (female.winslet) went ahead and gave me a tour of the place.  “Here is our list of services. Eventually(tm) is our equivalent of Priority Mail, FedEx Express, etc.” replied Lia.

In the customer service area, there was a stack of packages in front of the counter. But when I looked at the spot later, they were gone. In their place was a hole going to who-knows-where.

The next stop was the employee only area. Lia told me, “Freight coming into us departing to our interline partners or being picked up goes in and out here on this belt.  Hmmmm.... no wonder nothing has been going out lately. I think I see a slight issue.   I'm sure it will get fixed though.”

Lia went on to tell me, “Well, we are hiring. And if anyone else would like us to setup shop at their airport, seaport, or truck terminal, just have them reach out to me. We are hiring for our air, land, and sea divisions as well as back office operations personnel.”

“And, on a serious out-of-character note," Lia grinned, "I'm sure you've figured this out, but LiaEx only exists as a joke to parody real world companies. If anyone wants in on the joke or would like us to setup a disaster prone facility at their freight terminal, just have them reach out to me. (smile)”

Real life unfortunately came calling, so I had to go.  I did leave with a smile on my face after what Lia said.

The locations:

LiaEx Corporate Headquarters, Paneer (104, 19, 24) – Moderate

Janie's Landing, Avignon (23, 211, 66) - General

LiaEx : Eventually (tm) it gets there
When you absolutely don't need it there tomorrow. Or next week. Or next month.

Deaflegacy

Editor's Note: Jaine's Landing where LiaEx is doubles as a stop for the "Get The Freight Out" game. Lia would later say, "Janie is very kind and hosts LiaEx for free," and would add there will be a skit about LiaEx being performed on July 12 at Club Vipera.

Frisky The Snowman

By Bixyl Shuftan

When Christmas comes to Second Life, many decorate their areas with snow and a Christmas tree, or other simple decorations such as wreaths and candy canes. And then there's Nydia Tungsten, the owner of the "Happy Vixen," the beach club of the Sunweaver/Angels community. While gift-giving is fun, the crass commercialism and stress can take the happiness out of the holiday. So she tries to have a little fun with her "Twisted Christmas" music set every season, filled with parody songs from mild to wild as an answer to "Fa-la-la-la" played 24/7 in every other shopping center.

But this year, she did a little more. She decorated the beach club with some off-kilter Christmas decorations that were definitely not for child avatars. There was "Santa and the drunken reindeer," which had the not so jolly old elf and his sleigh having wiped out, and the reindeer were all splat on the ground or on the fence, except one that was taking a piddle on Kris Kringle. There were a couple reindeer on the rooftop "romantically engaged." There was one outhouse labeled "Santa's Office: Knock First" where Santa was having to answer a call of nature, "Ho ho ho! Could I have a little privacy?" About the only thing that looked G-rated at first glance was one snowman on the side of the dance floor. But before long, you'd hear cheesy pick-up lines from him. This was "Frisky the Snowman."

"Frisky the Snowman" wasn't something she had a friend do, but had bought it from a store owner. Taking a look at the Marketplace page, "Frisky the Flirty Snowman" was sold by a Connor71, "For many, me included, holidays... particularly Christmas can be a bit depressing for us at times depending on our given situation. Frisky was my answer to add a few smiles, and I certainly had several ear to ear grins making him.  I really hope he can spread some cheer to everyone."

Connor had boasted Frisky had "Over 100 come ons." And he never seemed to run out as at events, he relentlessly spouted one after another, "Do you have a quarter? Mom asked me to call her if I ever fell in love." "Look at you, with all those curves, and me with no brakes." "Is God missing an angel? You look like you fell from Heaven." Some could be a little creepy, "If a fat man puts you in a bad tonight, don't worry. I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas." "You can take me home, or I can follow you home, your choice."

The reaction from the women was what one might expect in this day of news headlines of sexual harassment stories. A few laughed, some groaned, some growled, and a number made jokes about how to dispose of the perverted snowman. Frequent ideas were shoving him into the water or grabbing a flamethrower and blasting him. One girl posed in front of him with a couple lightsabers, red and green to match the Christmas season. They couldn't of course. Only the Happy Vixen staff had the power to do anything about him.

So what did I think? As a guy, he reminded me of the examples I had while growing up of how *not* to ask women out. But as the years went on, and I remained single, guys (in real life) kept telling me I needed to be more pushy, "You need to start reaching out and grabbing some ***s." I sometimes wonder if they were seeing if I'd had a mental lapse and actually do it. Then again, they had reproduced (or rather a number of them had), I hadn't. So maybe there was *something* to the strategy of one lame pickup line after another. And then there was the story I read years ago about a woman whom claimed the ghost of a guy was not only haunting her house, but going after her. The exorcist she called to get rid of him told her he was a lonely soul who never had luck with women and in death was continuing what he was trying in life.

Eventually came the night of Nydia's "Twisted Christmas" set, in which she played her parodies for two hours, from mild, to wild to, "Oh my God, what was he thinking?!" And Frisky was relentlessly giving out one pickup line after another so cheesy one could smell the parmesan. One girl commented they were more like limburger. As usual, they joked about how to melt him, but the snowman didn't notice, or didn't care, continuing his lame lines, "Hottie alert! I'm melting!" "I put your picture up at the post office, 'cause you're wanted by me." Like that *one guy* at certain parties, you weren't sure if he kept hoping some girl would finally answer his love calls, or he wasn't doing it to get entertainment, but that the cat-calls were entertainment in themselves.

The following day, the decorations Nydia had put up for "Twisted Christmas" were all gone. This included Frisky. A few girls acted happy that the snowman was gone. When I asked Nydia what happened to him, she answered, "I melted him, with a flamethrower." So what cheesy pickup line drove her over the edge? She wouldn't say.

The snowman is gone, but no doubt he'll be remembered.

Frisky the Snowman,
Was a perverted skirt-chasing soul,
With a candy-striped cane, and a stovepipe hat,
He cat-called with a leer made out of coal.

Oh how the women,
Hated each cheesy pick-up line.
They talked about how to melt him down.
To him, he was a load of slime.

As for yours truly,
I too felt he was a butt.
But you have to admit, he wouldn't quit,
For his passion, he never gave up.

Then one morning,
Frisky the Snowman had gone away.
The women cheered, but I was a little sad,
Deep down, I'd hoped he'd get one chance to play.

Bixyl Shuftan

Image Credit: Connor07

Santa is Missing: Part 2

By Mylie Foxclaw

Continued from Part One. 

After two intensive days of investigation, one thing was clear.  Everyone living in the North Pole HATED Santa Claus.  My list of suspects was endless.  Everyone had a grudge against him and they all seemed glad that he was gone.  I looked everywhere in the North Pole, putting myself in great danger when I confronted two polar bears who stated that they had to pay a monthly rent to Santa Claus so they could stay there.  To most inhabitants, Santa was an oppressor. 

I was not finding any clues other than that.  That’s when I realised that I would need to infiltrate if I wanted to resolve this case.  I talked to Roan the Elf and explained my problem to him.  I needed to go incognito!  Roan thought for a while and dashed away.  He came back with a box and said that he found the perfect disguise.  I opened the box and smiled.  His idea was brilliant!  I quickly changed into the costume and smiled.  I could pass as a reindeer easily with this thing on.

As I stepped out of Santa’s house, I noticed a commotion nearby.  I went to look and my jaw dropped.  It turned out that the elves had lost hope already.  They had started to audition for a replacement Santa and there were all kind of creatures, including the Grinch, who wanted the prestigious position.  I knew that Christmas would be a total disaster if I did not figure out what happened to Santa Claus.  

I went around, the costume keeping me warm.  I marched confidently, knowing that I would find some clue soon.  Unfortunately, I was wrong.  It turned out that no one had any idea.  The inhabitants repeated whatever they told me yesterday.  To make it short, Santa was a total bastard.  I figured that I had to search elsewhere if I wanted to find Santa.  I decided to venture across the globe on my own in order not to draw attention.  I did not want Santa’s kidnappers to find out that I was investigating.  My search took me to places which I heard Santa would sometimes go during the year.  These included zoos, casinos, strip clubs (yeah I was speechless too when Mrs Claus mentioned this), and more awkward places.  But the thought of someone else taking Santa’s place kept me going.

Some days later, I decided to give up.  There was no trace or clue.  I felt terrible whenever I saw kids walking around excitedly as Christmas approached.  I knew that that Roan and Rudolph were waiting for good days; after all, I had promised them that I would solve this case.  I did not have the heart to tell them that they would indeed need a new Santa.

Before going back to the North Pole, I decided to visit a secluded beach to think about how I would break the news to them.  I found a quiet spot and starred at the waves while I listened to the birds chirping a tropical version of ‘Jingle Bells’.  Suddenly I heard a rough voice shouting in anger, “Rudolph, what the hell are you doing here?”

I looked up and blinked in confusion.  It could not be!  I rubbed my eyes while he continued to shout and yell. 

“Santa?  Is that you?” I asked, watching the old man in his Santa suit and boots and a pair of funky shades.

“What happened to your voice, you idiot?” he asked back.

“I’m not Rudolph!” I shouted, feeling irritated.  Santa looked at me closely and let out a sign of relief.  I explained how I ended up at the beach in my Reindeer costume.  When I finished, I said that he owed me an explanation. 

It turned out that Santa Claus needed a break because he felt overwhelmed and so he decided to take a vacation to a secluded tropical spot, away from the North Pole.  He also wanted to get his dose of Vitamin D from the sun before Christmas. 

“Those bastards are probably happy that I’m gone!” he grunted out as I enjoyed the sun’s warmth.  I nodded as he continued, “Ungrateful ….”

“Do you ever get any gifts for Christmas?” I interrupted as I stared at him.

“Gifts?  Me?”  Santa asked, scratching his head, “I never get gifts.”

“That’s because you are a jerk to your own neighbours!” I snapped, “Everyone hates you, so its obvious that you will never get gifts in your life!”

“But I’m Santa Claus!  Everyone knows that!” Santa argued.

“So what?” I countered, “Being Santa does not give you the right to ill-treat everyone!  And don’t tell me that you don’t.  I know what you tried to do to your snowman!”

Santa looked at his feet for a moment before letting out a sigh, “But North Pole is so boring.  There’s nothing, it’s just all about Christmas!”

“You can make it exciting if you paid attention to everyone.  They got great ideas but they can’t talk to you because you are mean.  In fact if all the children in the world knew how you behaved, they would stop celebrating Christmas,” I stated.

I spent the rest of the evening explaining to Santa how to be a better person and neighbour.  He seemed willing to make an effort.  I hoped he would not disappoint.  At least I had kept my promise to Roan the elf and Rudolph the reindeer.  My job was done.

As for Santa, he will be heading back home soon now that he got his dose of Vitamin D and a suntan.  No one needs to worry anymore.  Christmas is not cancelled.  Santa is fine, he just wanted a little summer vacation before the big day.   

Merry Christmas everyone!  Enjoy!

Mylie Foxclaw

Santa Claus Is Missing: Part One

By Mylie Foxclaw

I was busy planning a defence strategy with Glu-Glu the turkey (refer to the thanksgiving dinner story).  We decided that encouraging people to eat tofu instead of turkey might be a good tactic.  Besides it was a healthy option.  Suddenly the doorbell rang and I went to answer the door.  We were expecting our protest banners to be delivered, but I was surprised as I opened the door.  Standing in front of me were Rudolph the Reindeer, and Roan the Elf.  Glu-Glu, fearing that Santa Claus was hungry, went to hide in the closet while I invited them inside.

“Err… isn’t it too early for presents?” I asked, scratching my head in confusion.  Christmas is supposed to be on the 25^th December… maybe the date changed.

“Santa is missing!” Roan exclaimed while Rudolph sobbed, “We need your help!”

“What?  Santa is missing?!” I cried out in shock, “No way!  He can’t go missing!”

“He has disappeared!” Roan explained, “We can’t find him!  Someone must have kidnapped him!”

“Oh my god!” I muttered, totally shaken by the news, “We need to find Santa!  Else Christmas will be ruined!”

Rudolph nodded while Roan continued.  I could feel the desperation in his voice, “Please!  Help us.  Santa might be in great danger.  We need to save him before it’s too late!”

“Of course, I will help you!  Let me just call Fox News, my boss, he is a good investigator and…” I started.

“Noooooo!!!!!” Roan screamed while Rudolph ran outside in fear.  Glu-Glu started to protest from his hideout. 

“But why?” I asked, wondering why they reacted as such.

“He scares the penguins away with his teeth,” Roan whispered, “When he came to visit last year to interview Santa, they all ran away to South Pole…”

“Okay, fine!” I snapped, “Let’s get going then.  I have to investigate.”

Rudolph came back and off we flew to the North Pole.  It took us a few hours to reach there.  We soon pulled in front of Santa’s magnificent house.  I wrapped my arms around myself as I followed Roan.  We got inside the house and I was amazed.  Everything looked so tidy.  The letters were in neat piles and we could see other Elves working in a corner of the room.  

Roan took me to Santa’s bedroom and I started to investigate.  Everything looked normal; there was no sign of struggle.  I went to his bathroom and noticed that it was very clean and organised.  I was amused to notice a razor since Santa has such a long and bushy beard but Roan explained that Santa liked to shave his legs every Christmas Eve and likes smooth legs.

After an hour, we left the house and I told Roan that I needed to talk to everyone who stayed nearby so we could find a clue.  I started to interrogate the snowman who worked as a vigil. 

“When was the last time you have seen Santa?”  I asked.

“It must have been yesterday night,” the snowman replied, sounding very annoyed, “the bastard snatched my nose and bit into it.”  He pulled out his carrot nose and indeed, I could see that a part of it was missing.  It looked like someone really had a bite. 

“Are you sure it was Santa?” I pressed on, trying to find more clues.

“Ha!  Yes, it was that old fat jerk!  He got no respect for snowmen!” the snowman replied before adding, “He tried to melt me once with his blow-dryer!  I’m so glad he’s gone!”

I starred at the snowman suspiciously for a moment before deciding to interrogate a penguin.  The latter told me that he saw Santa early this morning.  Apparently, Santa threatened to sell all the fish so that he could buy himself a huge Jacuzzi.  The penguin became another suspect. 

By the end of the day, it turned out that almost everyone in Santa’s neighbourhood had a grudge against him.  My list of suspects grew extensively.  Santa’s wife, the elves, the other reindeers, the snowmen, the polar bears and other creatures were all suspects in Santa’s disappearance.

I was not going to give up.  No matter what I learned about that mean old guy, I knew that we had to find Santa, else there would be no Christmas!

What happened to Santa?  Has he been kidnapped?  By whom? Is he still alive?  Stay tuned for the next episode of this story.

Mylie Foxclaw

A Very Unexpected Thanksgiving Dinner

By Mylie Foxclaw

Finally, I would have the perfect thanksgiving in my life.  I had a date and I would prepare a romantic thanksgiving dinner for the two of us.  I had the menu in mind; in fact I had planned each and every single detail and could already visualize it all!

But nothing went according to the plan.  Since I wanted everything to be perfect, I needed to get started early.  The mashed potatoes and dessert were ready and the turkey was in the oven.  This was the first time I was cooking turkey and I had googled so many recipes to be sure I was on the right track.  I checked the oven and saw that it was nearly ready.  I started to tidy around quickly and then I saw the saucepan on the table.  Oh no!  I had forgotten about the stuffing!

I was no pro in the kitchen but I needed to fix this mess.  I quickly switched the oven off and took the turkey out.  “Let’s add the stuffing fast and put it back in the oven!” I muttered to myself.  I started to get to work when my phone beeped.  I checked the text, smiling to myself.  It was him and he sent me a lovely message saying he could not wait to see me tonight.  I continued to stuff the turkey and was almost done when I heard the beeping sound again.  I looked around for my phone, wondering where it was.  I checked under the table, behind the saucepan, over the fridge, etc.  That’s when I heard it starting to ring, I looked around and screamed in horror as I realised that I had dropped my phone in the stuffing and then I was stuffing the turkey, so it could be inside!  I panicked and started to remove all the stuffing, knowing the clock was ticking!

“If I can spot it, it will be much easier!” I exclaimed and I leaned down and tried to peek inside.  I inched closer until my cheek was rubbing against the warm turkey.  I did spot something lighting inside but I was not sure.  I parted the turkey’s legs so I could get a better look.  I pushed my head inside and I heard it ring.  But that did not come from my turkey!  It was a distant sound.  I started to pull out but got stuck!  It took me a long time until I was finally able to get my head out of that turkey!  As I emerged out, gasping for breath, I noticed that my phone was in the saucepan next to my now tattered turkey.

This was awful!  I called the nearby butcher’s shop to order another turkey but they ran out of stock.  I started to google quickly and saw an advert that said turkey delivery and immediately called and gave them my address.  I went to wash my face and the doorbell rang.  I grabbed my purse and quickly paid the delivery boy who told me he left the turkey in my yard.  I thanked him and went out to fetch it.  That’s when I almost fainted. They sent me a live turkey!

I called the shop and they told me that they were no butchers.  As I checked my watch, I realised that I was running out of time and this turkey would have to do.  I went to fetch my knife and starred at the turkey nervously.

 “Listen, I’m sorry but I have to do this or my thanksgiving dinner will be a real flop,” I muttered to it as I stood there with my knife.

“Glu Glu!!” the turkey responded.

“Okay… here we go!” I shouted and took a few steps back before charging forward, screaming like a real warrior but as the knife got closer to the turkey, I froze in my tracks.  “I can’t do this!” I cried out, tears filling my eyes as I dropped to my knees in front of it, “You’re too cute!”

I dropped the knife and stared at the turkey while it continued to cry out, “Glu Glu! Glu Glu!”

I decided to name the turkey, Glu-Glu.  I checked the time and decided that I could order pizza instead; my date would not mind.  That’s when my phone beeped.  “Nooooo!” I cried out as I read the text.  He got an emergency at work and could not come!  I was so upset.

I stared at Glu-Glu and she stared back at me. Well, I did not want to spend thanksgiving alone, so I went to get ready and Glu-Glu and I had a nice thanksgiving dinner that consisted of dessert and coffee.  It was definitely not the thanksgiving I wanted but Glu-Glu and I had a nice time and we decided to fight for the turkeys rights!

Happy Thanksgiving,

Mylie Foxclaw

ApRiL fOoL!!!

Happy April Fools Day from the Second Life Newser!

May yours be filled with joy, merriment, and general foolery.

For previous April Fool jokes, check out 2015, 2014,  2013, 2012, and 2011.

Bixyl Shuftan

Reader Submitted: "Bixyl Shuftan True Facts"

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

ApRiL fOoL!!!

Happy April Fool’s Day from Second Life Newser.

And yes, Michi was in on the joke. Those who know her best probably caught it at the word "hired." Luskwood's most noted skunkgirl already works at ABC World News Tonight, but as an engineer behind the scenes, not an anchorwoman. Oh well, maybe someday.


May your April Fool's be full of merriment, joy, and of course general foolery. ;-)




For previous April Fool jokes, check out 2014,  2013, 2012, and 2011.


Bixyl Shuftan

News and Commentary: Avajean Westland's Virtually News, and Doing Broadcast News About Second Life

By Bixyl Shuftan

About a week and a half ago on September 13th, AvaJean Westland showed off to a public audience at the LEA4 sim the debut episode of "Virtually News," a parody of TV news done in the style of "the Onion." The show was described as "an irreverent take on current events and pop culture, which pushes the boundaries while using animation as the filter."

The show was rated "for mature audiences" for not without good reason. The initial episode spoofed exercise infomercial products such as the "Thighmaster" and the "Shake Weight" as having been backed by the porn industry, and had an infomercial of it's own for "The Twerkinator" : a device that will supposedly allow a girl to safely and effectively shake her behind without risk of injury.

Those attending the premier included bloggers Mona Eberhardt and Inara Pey, and Second Life Enquirer editor Lanai Jarrico. Second Life Newser was also there after having gotten a tip by Lanai.

Avajean Westland in real life is Gameela Wright, an actress from New York with experience in TV shows such as "Blue Bloods" and all three series of "Law and Order," theater, and commercials. In Second Life, she is described as having worked with Chantal Harvey and part of the machinima series "The Blackened Mirror." She also created Second Life video for the Project Homeless campaigning "The Quiet Dark Wind."

(Click Here to see Avajean's "Vitrually News" - CAUTION, Not Safe For Work)

*  *  *  *  *

Avajean's resume is an impressive one, and she does have a point about these funny exercise devices. How many men use a "Shake Weight," especially in public, after all? There's certainly lots of room for news parodies, others having been done such as those some years ago by Second Lie. But talking about the episode with my friend and teammate Nydia Tungsten, we wondered, couldn't someone make serious news videos of goings-on in Second Life?

Not *every* reporter can do news in front of a video camera as writing and public speaking are two different skills. I myself, well, to paraphrase the expression "he has a face for radio," I have a voice for newspapers. But still, one wonders. If someone did weekly or monthly news videos a few minutes long, how many of you the readers would watch them?

Probably a great deal many of you, we reasoned. So we're making a few enquiries about what we might be able to pull off. We'll let you know about any developments. And those who want to give giving their voice to journalism by all means feel free to contact us.

As for Avajean's "Twerkinator," I don't think we've seen the last of it. Jimmy Kimmel's firey prank showed one way it can go very wrong.

Sources:  SL Enquirer, Prim Perfect, Modem World, Mona Eberhardt, gameelawright.com/

Bixyl Shuftan