By Bixyl Shuftan
As Montecito Bay approaches it's first anniversary as an incorporated sim, things have been getting a little weird around town. Or if one considers that a number of it's residents are cruxes, a little weirder than usual. For the past week, there have been sightings of puddles of green slime. In one group chat, MoffettMephit (Moff) commented, "I take it y'all have heard about the emergency broadcasts? The ones that talk about the slime? All I can really add is, if ya see any of that around here, I wouldn't go touching it. Fact is, our top scientists are on this, and they think it has to do with the Gacha Guild." Asking questions only got various comments from various other local residents. Some were saying if ferals licked it, they would grow two extra heads. Others boasted they licked it with no ill effects, "tastes like jello." Other theories included the slime was the result of cruxes throwing up after having "the special" from a local diner.
A few casual glances around turned up nothing. Finally, one Saturday night I dropped by the "After Dark" event at the Magnum Opus club. There was scaffolding on the outside. I was told that this would be the last event at the "MO" as it's sometimes called before it was renovated. There was a small pile of furnishings ablaze in the corner. I was told that was furniture and things that were to old to reuse when the rennovation was done. Some of the locals were looking unusual, looking like three-headed cerebus dogs or sporting two heads, possibly a result of the slimes.
Asking about the slimes, I was old there was some on the beach and the Studio 86 club. "They were here, Moff used a vacuum," Twocoin told me, "He said 'Not in this club!' And then out came the bleach." Moff, who was DJing, responded, "Authorities have begun to suspect the origin being from another sim. Just don't touch that stuff." Kardinal Klo asked, "Do you think they have any idea what they're dealing with?" Moff responded, "We have put our top scientists on it." Emorald commented, "I have tried to get a close look at the slime. But, every time I try and get close, the scientists shoo me away." Magpie Hyena spoke, "One of the staff managed to uh... contain one of the beasties ... somehow. in a tiny bag."
Since the boardwalk and beach were just across the road from the Magnum Opus, I took a quick look over. Before long, I saw some slime. But on top of the goop was what looked like the lounge chair from Hell. It looked like an open set of jaws that had somehow been removed from it's owner, with a huge set of fangs. It looked like it was waiting for someone unwary enough to sit down, and then gulp them down.
I went back to report this to the people at the club. Hearing my description, Moff swore, "Oh s**t! Those are back too?! ... Those teeth things. After the show, we'll have to get the city flamethrowers." "What are those things?" I asked. Moff answered, "I have no idea." Magpie spoke, "They're certainly odd. I hear some local pets have been missing, and I bet they're to blame."
Moff went on, "One of them had a CRUX tongue! I mean, can we blame cruxes for this?" Emorald asked, "It EAT a crux ???" Moff answered, "I don't think so. It's too organized." Kardinal Klo remarked, "They show signs of intelligence, sentience, even." Magpie joked, "Seatience, that's a good way to put it, Klo." "Sentience!" Moff corrected. "No no! Seatience!" Moff then realized the joke and chuckled, "Oh! Ha ha!"
Twocoin asked, "Wait... Are we still talking about the pets or the crux?" Moff went, "If it were cruxes, there'd just be a big pile of slime covered teeth things." Emorald spoke, "They are like raptors" Magpie remarked, "Better hope those beasties don't go over your head like that joke." Twocoin responded, "It would NOT go over my head. My reflexes are too good. I would catch it." Moff then tossed a record his way. Twocoin joked, "Moff's breaking records in all categories.."
Magpie then looked around, "Anyone feel like they're being watched?" Moff answered, "What?! NO! I mean, I wasn't until just now." Klo went, "Yes, but, I mean, I have two heads." Twocoin remarked, "It's like there's some human with a camera pointed at the back of my head. Also, Klo's friend is staring at me," he pointed to a Halloween skeleton in a cage. Twocoin pointed out, "... there are dogs all around her."
A comment by Lem got Moff to joke, "Where's those teeth things when you need one? Sacrifice Lem to the slime." Magpie cautioned, "Hey Moff, I wouldn't wish for those teeth things, even as a joke you know. Don't wanna jinx this party." Moff didn't heed the warning, "I do! Let one bite that Lem butt!" "Gosh, be careful what you wish for!" Lem remarked, "My butt might swell up, nobody wants to see that. I got bit by a zombie one time, and the zombie died.]"
Then Twocoin saw the party had a new arrival, "Oh! There is a tooth thing right there!" Magpie blurted, "WHAT?!" Klo wondered, "Is it attracted to music?" Emorald wondered, "How did that get here?" Twocoin then noticed, "And another right there." "We attracted them!" Magpie remarked, "with the loud kickass tunes!" Moff then noticed one had a long, striped tounge, "Oh sh**, it's the crux tongue!" Twocoin went, "Mateo is AFK quick sacrifice him!" Moff shouted, "GO POKE IT LEM!" Lem then changed into his Halloween avatar, "I need to be my ghoul." Magpie then warned me one had appeared near me, "U-uh... B-b-bix...?!" I quickly got out of the way.
Then Moff remembered their fire, "Wait! We have flaming furniture!" Magpie blurted, "Someone set it on fire!" Moff then grabbed some of the furniture in the fire pile by an unlit end and tossed it onto one of the maws. But it was soon clear it wasn't having any effect, Klo observing, "It does not appear fire helps."
With the creatures not making any more aggressive moves, Magpie was rethinking the idea of getting rid of them, "I'm not so sure. I know some of our authorities have noticed that when its domesticated it doesn't seem to uhhh...drool as much." She then grinned, "Though I'm sure you could make it drool with the right treats?" Emorald asked, "But, how do you domesticate them?" Magpie answered, "Someone told me that a whole damn mess of sciencey types down at the SCP facilities have managed to tame these guys." Moff asked, "Tame them? For what?" Magpie went on, "They've boxed them all up and put 'em in a little machine, like some sorta snack vendor. Somethin' called a gacha." Apparently the folks down at the SCP foundation in Dewdrop have managed to breed these guys to just sorta...cuddle. They'll let you sit all over em and won't be bothered. I imagine they're still fixing some kinks, so, I'd be cautious."
Emorald commented, "They do look....kinda cuddly." Klo followed, "Hmm, one of you should try and sit on one." Moff suggested, "Again, Lem, go ahead!" Lem asked, "Go ahead what?" Moff told her, "Go touch the teeth thing!" Magpie was unsure, "I don't know, who here's a brave enough soul to give that little beastie a pat?" Klo commented, "'soul' you mean 'sacrifice'." Lem then began approaching one. Magpie reacted, "Be careful Lem." But whem Lem touched one, the result was, nothing. Magpie responded, "Hmm. Well they seem a lot more docile than we were anticipating." Emorald observed, "They haven't eaten him yet." Magpie suggested, "There's no blood and gore yet. Maybe it's scared of you Lem." Lem joked, "I'm not zesty enough."
Thinking it over, Magpie made a decision, "Well, I guess I've lived a good life. I'll try to mess with that curious little purple and green one." Emorald wasn't so sure, "Wait Mags! Let me go first." Magpie asked, " A-are you sure?" Emorald answered, "I am small enough, I can get away fast." "Er... okay Em." Emorald then sat on the maw, and the reaction was, nothing. Magpie asked, "Is that slimy?" Emorald answered, "A little, but like, the tongue is soft, like, velvet." Magpie was amazed at the sight, "That thing is literally just letting you chill on its, tongue?!" "Yeesh." "I mean you ARE a mousey looking thing. I'm shocked it's not, just chomped! Well, maybe it isn't the thing that's been, making the local pets disappear, maybe."
Then Moff reappeared, with a weapon. Mateo Firecaster commented, "Oh s**t! A Crux with a gun!" Twocoin remarked, "That's not a gun, that's a rocket launcher!" Emorald, still on the creature, looked to the armed crux, "Why do you have a gun Moff?" Moff responded, "Gee, guess!" Magpie tried to get him to back off, "Moff wait! It, I don't know! It doesn't look like it's hurtin' nobody! And it was immune to fire! I don't even know if a rocket will kill it!" Moff was unpersuaded, "Now move!" "Wait!" Emorald told him, "we sure we wanna do that? I mean, what if killing one pisses them ALL off?" Moff was unmoved, "Last warning." Twocoin wondered, "What if it makes babies?" That was enough for Moff, who then fired, "Welp! Sorry Em!" Magpie blurted, "Oh Jesus Moff!" Lem commented, "Hard hat for safety." Moff then grinned, "Potato launcher!" Emorald, still moving around, laughed. Magpie observed, "I don't think they liked that." Moff responded, "They don't like potatoes?! Then they are evil." Magpie then noticed one more, "There's another one that seemed to dig from the ground below you when you did that!" I commented, "It looks like they did like that and some showed up for more."
Magpie commented, "These things are tough, but, they're just kinda, chilling out." Moff had another idea, "Torch the building." Klo asked, "Is this akin to setting the house on fire when you find a spider? ... Set the MO on fire, the aliens are here?" Lem then called out, "Em!" Emorald asked, "What?" Lem sat on another of the maw creatures, "Come sit." Moff joked, "Lem and Em make out on one, maybe that'll kill it." Magpie was surprised, "That one's just... letting you two cuddle together with it?!"
Moff noted the music band that was playing at the time, "Clearly these two like The Scorpions." Klo responded, "Who doesn't like The Scorpions?" The white crux DJ then had an idea, "HEY HEY HEY! Could these be like the aliens in Mars Attacks? If we yodel....." Klo liked the idea, "Oh s**t, play some, uh, Indian Love Call? Is that it?" Twocoin joked, "Play some Jane's Addiction. Nothing survives that." Klo asked, "Do these things even have ears, or do they just feel vibration?" Another new one was seen in the room, Emorald saying, "What is that one over there? ... Looks like it was, sewn together." Moff finally had his musical weapon loaded, "Oh Em Gee! Are you all ready?!" He then started playing Slim Whitman's "Indian Love Call
." Magpie asked, "Moff are you gonna soothe these beasties with some great tunes?" then realizing what was being played, "Oh boy, YOU ARE!" "Here we go!" Klo remarked at the music, "If this doesn't kill them, we're screwed!" Moff responded, "If they start dancing, I'm leaving."
Then Magpie noticed, "One of them is gone. Moff, I think it's working." Klo blurted, "Oh s**t. Does 'Mars Attacks' again tell us the truth?" "This song is saving us!" Magpie exclaimed. "This song only has ninety seconds," Moff reminded, "So I hope the next one works!" But at the end of the song, there was not a maw in sight. "Are they all gone?" Magpie asked. "Seems they are," Emorald answered. "Welp, guess 'Mars Attacks' taught us a thing or two!" With "Piece of My Heart" playing, Magpie suggested, "If this song really is sending them scurrying back to their nests, they are missing out on some great taste."
Moff then loaded in the next tune, "The next song, is one you all can sing afterwards! Cuz it is true! Y'all ready!" Then came the song, "Last Night a DJ Saved My Life
." Klo started laughing, "Moff taking all the credit for that is he." "IT TRUE THO!" Moff boasted. Klo remarked, "Nevermind he's who probably brought them here."
"I'll play a couple more after this, but then I'm running away," Moff told everyone, then started singing
There's not a problem that I can't fix
'Cause I can do it in the mix
And if your man gives you trouble
Just you move out on the double
And you don't let it trouble your brain
'Cause away goes trouble down the drain
Magpie then had a thought, "That's it! I bet they use the sewers to get to and from the sims! ... You sent those troubles down the drain, Moff. (grin) ... you never know what those sneaky SCP foundation scientists are workin' on. Maybe someone installed some sorta tunnel to and fro." Moff responded, "Those sons of bit ... We need to go get them! Where are they at?" Magpie answered, "Well I think they're opening up their facilities to the public soon. But I know you can hang out in the lobby in Dew Drop. They're having some sorta, 'Gacha Guild' sale. But, there's been word that a lot of little beasties from different corners of the SL world are inhabiting the place. Maybe that's why they're opening up their labs soon. Maybe they want help from patrons and consumers. Maybe we need to help them track down all the escaped monsters! I'm trying to find an old clipboard I found at the place. I think it said..that they'll be opening the doors to the labs on the, 12th? But anyone is welcome to the gacha guild event they're having above the labs now. Just, be careful. You never know what sorta things are lurking in the dark corners."
And so ended the night of the slime and maw monsters. But this is unlikely to be the last Montecito Bay sees of them. And even if it is, no doubt some other form of zaniness will emerge to take it's place.
As for the Gacha Guild, it is at -
Note: The preceding was a "fun article" based on some interactive RP at the time