Montecito Bay UFO: The Military Responds

By Bixyl Shuftan

It's been about six months since Montecito Bay was hit by a strange craft that resembled a flying saucer. Although the area was under guard by the police, Federal authorities delayed in getting the "UFO" out of there until shortly after the Newser wrote about getting a closer look at the saucer and what looked like the body of it's occupant. With the craft and remains taken away, a mystery tower suddenly springing up in place of the destroyed building, and an official speaking on condition of anonymity about what was going on in late March, that seemed like the end of the story.

Aside from the supposed aliens themselves however, there was one party that hadn't spoken up yet: the military. This week, the Newser received the following letter

To Mr. Shuftan

Regarding your reporting not long ago on certain incidents in the town of Montecito Bay, your articles did not go well within certain circles. Fortunately for you, your publication has made repeated efforts to help veterans. Because of this and the "understanding" you have with the local police department, there will be no efforts at prosecution.

However, your recent reports suggesting that the community of Montecito Bay was the subject of several activities of extraterrestrial origin, notably the crash landing of a craft of stated extraterrestrial origin, have forced us to declassify certain documents concerning an experimental craft sooner than planned in order to avoid unnecessary alarm.

As your investigations revealed, we have made efforts decades ago to see if a craft in the design of the "flying saucer" seen in vintage science-fiction movies was feasible, and were disappointed by the results. Today with more advanced computer technology, the decision was made to try again with a new design similar to the old one, but with the addition of computers not dissimilar to those aboard the B-2 bomber to help keep it stable. It was also decided to have the initial flights unmanned, and a mannequin placed in the cockpit in place of a human. As crewmen will do things for amusement, the mannequin placed was deliberately made to look like a green alien from classic science-fiction movies.

We did not anticipate our X-craft loosing the signal of it's controllers as we had two back-up signalers. But somehow all three failed, and the result was the X-craft drifting into the town of Montecito Bay, and smashing into one of it's buildings. When the mannequin was removed from the craft, for some reason it was decided by local servicemen to temporarily place it in the wrecked car in front of the building. No one anticipated local police going on "lunch break" to let in reporters they were on friendly relations with.

We would appreciate patience in the future in regards to any of our recovery operations, and allow us to declassify reports and parts of them at our own pace rather than give away our secrets so that the enemies of this nation will exploit them sooner..

General M.I. Black

The Newser tried to call General Black at the return address, but there was no response.

So it seems there's now an official reason other than "swamp gas," and a plausible one. That is, if that's all that happened. This explanation says nothing about the strange symbols with a resemblance to crop circles that were appearing on the city streets or the "Groundhog Day" incident in which half a city block was demolished with the only clue being what looked like a flying saucer zooming away. And of course no explanation of the "alien tower" that now stands where the UFO crashed.

It's also interesting to note that this letter has arrived in a period of relative calm for Montecito Bay, meaning while weird things still happen, they've all been under the radar. How long this will continue, we'll see.

Bixyl Shuftan

Note: The preceding was a fun article written for the purposes of entertainment.

News and Commentary: More Information on Team Diabetes' Question About Missing Money

By Bixyl Shuftan

After the apology came in, I thought that would be the last time I would write about the topic. But more people had something to say.

The issue started on December 31 When Team Diabetes posted on their blog that someone spammed their group chat saying his breedable group was doing an auction in which the proceeds would go to Team Diabetes. The Second Life charity was doing a fundraising event at the time with another breedables company at the time, so this may have caused a little confusion to the donors. While the man stated he had raised over 100,000 Lindens, about $400 USD, going to charity, Team Diabetes never got any of it, and asked people to start making inquires where the money went. The Newser talked to Vee Tammas Shocker (Veruca Tammas) of Team Diabetes, and was told Oenneo Resident was the one whom had spammed their group chat. I messaged him about the issue, but didn't get a response so went ahead and published the story on January 8.

The response was messages from Oenneo's partner at the time, LoriLynnGrimes Resident, some an outpouring of anger, and the more cordial one saying we should have contacted her and that the money had gone directly to the American Diabetes Association without going through Team Diabetes. I would also get two angry messages from supporters from her. As they were just minutes apart, I wondered if they were alts. Then later on Lori would send a note of apology to Team Diabetes, saying Oenneo confessed that the money never went to charity but to pay for a building, adding the breedables company she and "Neo" were in was dissolved along with their partnership and she planned to somehow make amends. But when the Newser wrote about her statement, she angrily responded that the message was intended to be private.

Some days later, I would get messaged by two people about the issue. One was a supporter of Lori, but in contrast to the earlier people whom were hostile, she made an effort to be friendly, though did ask to remain anonymous. She claimed Lori was no swindler but had been swindled herself by Neo and his supporters. She told me Lori was starting to pay the money to the American Diabetes Association over time in segments, though didn't have any proof as it would mean revealing her real-life identity.

I wasn't sure if this by itself warranted an update, telling her I probably wouldn't do one yet. Then later that evening I was contacted by Lady Digs Jewel (1x1x141 Digfoot). Digs told me she was the builder of the building mentioned in Lori's statement of apology, "The Ark." Lady Digs felt she was "dragged through the mud" by the insinuations she was involved in a charity fraud by association, "I did not receive embezzled funds, because it was paid for well before the event." She sent me a picture of a page of Oenneo's transaction history, which was dated several days before the incident with Team Diabetes and labeled "Final Payment for Ark."

She then told me Oenneo was there with her on the Ark, still under construction, and offered to TP me over. And so I was face to face with the man whom had caused Team Diabetes so much concern. Neo would only converse with me in voice, so the only records I had were the notes I managed to type. The bare-chested man claimed he never got my messages, saying his messages were likely capped, "I have only this to say, I never touched any of the funds. ... The Ark was paid for my money and my money alone."

When I asked about Team Diabetes saying he spammed their chat about his event, he at first told me, "That is completely false, that never happened. ...  I only IMed one person. ... I never spamed any chats, period." I then handed him a copy of the picture that had been earlier sent to me by Vee Tammas contradicting his story, showing he had messaged their chat. He then tried to backtrack, "I did send notices during the event ... but not the 100,000."

Later on, Digs would contact me again. We chatted for a while, and she stated she wasn't trying to imply that she thought I was unfair to her, only that the statement I published could be seen by some as implicating her. This wasn't my intention, and the evidence I've been shown points out she was paid before the incident in question.

I emailed Vee Tammas about the two contacts. She responded that even though the builder had evidence she was not involved in the incident, she felt there were no reasons to take either Oenneo or Lori at their word, "Neo" having been caught in a lie and Lori having a history of responding angrily when confronted and having no evidence of her wanting to make amends. While Neo might not have paid for the building with the money in question, he still collected it from Team Diabetes supporters.

The Newser has written about controversial topics before, such as Monkey Wonder and Voodoo's threats to the Greenzone group. But seldom has information kept coming in about one like this. So what happens next? Time will tell.

Bixyl Shuftan