Melvin's Deathlands Adventures: Chapter One - The Begining

 By Bixyl Shuftan

For those who don't know, several years ago the Newser ran a series of amusing short stories about a hard-luck robber, nicknamed Clumsy Cooper, who never succeeded in getting a bank's money. The last story was of the bank having to close due to Linden Lab changing it's rules, and the bandit, whose real name is revealed to be Melvin, taking the moment to turn a new leaf and try a new direction in life. So what happened to him? Well, in this tale, we find out.

"So what'cha got for me, Spooky?"

"Something I found by the road, Baron."

The wolf and the panda met by the ruins of the old train station. As usual, the Baron was dressed in camo pants, an old fishing hat, and had an AK-47 slung over his shoulder. Shadow had on regular pants, a plaid jacket with a shotgun slung over his shoulder, and had on his head an old "rice paddy" Asian style hat. Not too far away were three old crates.

"Where did you find 'em?"

"By the old road. They were in an old truck that somehow got buried. It was on it's side. Maybe there used to be a ditch there, and it fell over."

"So what did you want for them?"

"Well, since we're buddies, we can work it out once we see what's in them."

"Any clue at all?"

"Well, I did find a clipboard. It mentioned something about evidence against a Colonel Judge and a Major Cohen for running a prostitution ring?"

"A what ring? Usually you wear a ring, not use a truck to move one."

"Heh, 'prostitute was a fancy word for hooker before the nukes fell. Ring, I think they meant something like a hidden bawdyhouse."

"Then why didn't you say so, you Chi-Com spy?" Baron Rebel grinned.

Spooky grinned back, "Ha ha, you don't know what a prostitute is, yet know what Chi-Com means?"

The wolf chuckled, "Let's just see what's in these things?"

They went to one crate, opened it with a crowbar, and looking inside, "What are all these pink, red, and black strips of cloth?" the Baron asked, "Some of it looks a little like underwear, but I've never seen undies so colorful."

"I guess that's what the hookers were wearing, before the collapse."

The wolf held one up, "I have to admit, thinking about it, they'd look sexier in these. But I can't see how they would last very long." They went to the second crate, and opening it, Rebel reached in, and pulled out something else, "Well, THIS isn't underwear, but, why would handcuffs have pink velvet around them?"

The panda chuckled, "The girls my Uncle hired for Cousin Bert's coming of age birthday party could have used them."

Rebel chuckled, "You'll have to tell me about that one." He looked around in the contents some more, "Hmmm, whips, chains ... Were the hookers a security squad in disguise?"

"There's a lot we don't know about the before times." Spooky then went to the third crate, "This was the heaviest one. There must be some heavy equipment of some kind in here."

"Maybe it's some kind of heavy gun. Let's take a look."

Opening one end of the crate, the found one end of some kind of cylinder. "What's this?" The wolf asked, "Some kind of container?"

"Could be." The panda quickly drew back his hand, making a face, "Wow, damn! That thing's super cold to the touch."

"Guess it's not weapons. Who freezes guns?"

"Who'd want to make sure something was frozen for such a long time?" The two tore away at the crate, and soon the contents were revealed, an eight-foot tall cylindrical-shaped object of metal and glass, with a chain around it. There was something inside, but it wasn't clear as to what.

"Found some more paperwork," Shadow went through the pages, "Experimental cryogenic unit."

"Cry over what?"

Shadow chuckled, "Cryogenics was experiments about freezing animals, and people, to put in a kind of suspended animation and brought back later."

"Why would anyone go through that?"

"The idea was it would be an option for someone who was dying from a sickness with no cure." Shadow looked over the notes some more, "But looks like this guy was a test subject, in good health."

"I don't suppose he was a scientist or someone who could help us understand some of the fancier equipment we have?"

"No such luck. By the looks of all this, an average guy who volunteered."

"Well, darn. Oh well, maybe he can tell us a little more about life before the bombs fell. Can we get him out of there without killing him."

"I think I can." Spooky read the papers some more, then pushed a few buttons, "Looks like this was made simple to turn off," he pulled a switch, "there!" There was the humming of machinery, and soon the contents became more visible through the glass. It was a raccoon dressed in jeans and a leather jacket. He was somewhat thin, with not much muscle or fat.

"Looks like it's working. Wonder who he is?"

"Someone named Melvin Cooper."

It was then that a woman, a leopardess, walked over, waving, "Hey Rebbie, we're going to be late for the party at the Fallout Shelter. Hey, what's all this?"

"Oh, some stuff we found Ays."

"Looks like you got a bit of a haul." She went over to the first crate, and pulled out a revealing leather outfit, "And who is this for?"

"You if you want it. We didn't know what was in the crates."

Ays grinned, "Well, how about I wear it for the party if you hurry up, and you too Spooky. No use you getting left out of the fun."

The two men followed her, leaving the cryo chamber to thaw out unattended.

*  *  *  *  *

"Oh, kiss me Melvin! Yes, that's it!"

Melvin was in a hugging embrace with a cute raccoon girl. She was so cute, he couldn't stop kissing her.

"Where have you been my whole life?" She smiled at him, "Maybe we can go somewhere more, comfortable." She took him by the hand.

Melvin smiled, anticipating a happy night. Then came a beeping noise. Cell phone maybe? Then he noticed his vision blurring, the image of the cute girl before him fading. Then all was dark, with just the beeping noise continuing.

What happened, he wondered. Then he realized, it was just a dream and he was waking up. He felt disappointed, wondering if he could get back to sleep.

He then opened his eyes.

Where was he?

At first, Melvin wondered if he was in some abandoned building, like he'd snuck into to spend the night in the days he was planning heists, or in later days after he gave up his days of robbery to sleep in when he didn't have even enough for the flophouse motels. Then he realized this place wasn't just abandoned, but falling apart. Much of the walls were gone. Dust and dirt covered the floor. There was some equipment in here, but aged. Same with a couple trucks here, looking abandoned.

Then he realized he was looking at all this through some glass, or was it clear plastic? He looked around, and realized he was in some kind of container. He tried to move his hand, and it felt slow, like it was moving through, fluid?

 

In a panic, he began pounding on the glass. But the fluid slowed down his hands. Wondering what to do, he began feeling around inside. He finally found some object with a solid metal end just above the glass. He quickly grabbed it, wrenched it free of a couple plastic fasteners that held it in place, and slammed it against the side off the container. A crack appeared in the glass. He hit it again, and again. More cracks appeared and grew in size.

Finally, the side shattered. Melvin quickly stuck his head out and tried to gasp for air? The result has him bending over, coughing, and fluid like that from the container came out.

Finally, he stopped coughing. He stepped out of the container, still wet from being in it's fluid. Was it even water? He tried to recall what happened? It had been months since he had a job of any kind, and he was broke and hungry. He finally heard the military was looking for volunteers for some kind of experiment, and would pay those they selected, he signed up. Soon, they told him he was among those chosen, but he'd have to sign a confidentiality agreement before he could proceed, with the penalty of being arrested for lying under oath if he blabed.

Once he signed the agreement to keep quiet, he was told scientists the military was cooperating with had made a cryogenics machine, but it needed testing. Animal tests had been successful, so they were moving up to human. He'd be frozen for a year, and then paid the amount if he'd been working the entire time 24/7. While it was minimum wage, at least it was tax free. And *maybe* they'd put a good word for him in applying for a government job of some kind, whether it was the post office or janitor at a rocket base. The last thing he could remember was being in a medical office and being injected with something to make him go to sleep.

And now, here he was, next to this container that moments ago had held him, in some old, dilapidated building.

Actually, not everything here was old. He noticed a couple crates, with "US ARMY" in faded letters on them. Strangely, they held women's lingire and other cheeky lady's outfits plus some bondage gear. What was that doing in Army crates? He recalled something about being shown a slide show of what the science of cryogenics was, and occasionally there was a picture of a scantily-clad girl in them, followed by the officer saying "Um, nevermind that one."

Come to think of it, he recalled overhearing a major and the colonel in charge of the operation talking, whispering something about "keeping the girls secret from the MPs." What were they planning? This looked too big for some secret bachelor party.

He began to look around. The surrounding buildings looked just as run down as this one. The place looked like some kind of ghost town. Why would the Army take him here?

Nothing was making sense.

"May I help you?"

Melvin turned, and after a second, recoiled in horror. This was a man, a dark-haired human male, in a doctor's outfit, but he looked like something out of a horror movie. His outfit was stained with blood from his lower legs to shirt collar, and so was the huge knife in his hand.

"You seem a little jumpy. Are you all right."

"I-I-I-I ..." Melvin could only stammer.

"Perhaps you need to come to my, office," the bloody man stepped forward.

That was enough for Melvin. He turned tail and ran out the building. He saw a road leading out of town, and headed to it, running at top speed.

The doctor could only watch as the man sped down the road leading out of town and into the wasteland. Then his attention came to two men approaching, the Baron and Spooky.

"Hey Dr. Mengle," spoke the wolf, "I was just about to look for you."

"What happened, did someone need patching up after a run=in with the mutants or raiders?"

"No. Have you ever heard of cry-o-gen-hicks?"

"I remember the name, but not much else."

"Well, Spooky found a guy who was frozen and is thawing out right now."

"Then you need a shovel, not a doctor ... Wait, if he was still frozen, how did you get him here before he thawed out and started to decompose?"

"He ain't dead. Apparently this cry-o-gen-hicks was an experiment just before the nukes fell to try to freeze someone, and bring 'em back alive later. And Spooky found one of the volunteers."

"And where is this volunteer?"

"Over there in that building." The three men went there, and found the now broken capsule.

"What? He got out?" The Baron was surprised.

"It must've brought him out faster than expected," Spooky commented.

"I don't suppose this fellow was a raccoon in a leather jacket and jeans?" the doctor asked.

"Yeah how did you - " the wolf then realized, "You saw him?"

"That I did. I think the blood from my recent operations gave him quite a fright. He took the nearest road out of town, running quite fast."

"Damn! I wanted to talk to the guy. It's not every day you get to talk to someone at least ninety years old."

"There's more to it than that," Spooky commented, "Since the bombs fell, life's been a struggle to survive, especially for the first couple generations. We've forgotten a LOT from how things worked, to history, to how people simply lived in those days. Even someone with casual knowledge could tell us plenty to help fill the gaps. But if he really did run into the wasteland, he may be over his head in dealing with it's hazards."

"Furs are better than humans at handling the places with radiation," Rebel commented, "The mutants, well without a gun he better be able to run fast."

"I don't think that will be a problem," the doctor commented, "At least not until he's without food and water for too long."

"Well, let's see if we can find this Melvin Cooper."

*  *  *  *  *

After running for a while, Melvin stopped to catch his breath. Looking behind him, the ghost town was well behind him. He couldn't go back as that creepy guy was likely waiting for him with whatever sharp knives and other instruments he had. So the only thing he could do was move on.

Feeling his clothes, he noticed they were just about dry now, having gone through the air for a while. He also felt something in his pockets. He found a few personal belongings in his pockets, inside some plastic bags. He had his wallet back, as well as some change and pocket knife. He also found a smartphone. Attached was a note, "In case you wake up early, you can use this to keep from getting bored." There was also a number to dial, which he tried, only to be met with silence. It was then he noticed the "NO SIGNAL" message. So using it to browse the Internet was out. At least among the apps was "outdoor survival tips." There were also a few others such as "basic hand to hand combat" and "crafting weapons in the wilderness 101." There were also several various novels digitized, as well as The Encyclopedia Britannica. Dry and boring. He wondered about the batteries, and checked the underside. He saw some fine print, "Military-grade batteries, good for 120 years." Well, at least that wasn't a problem.

He had no idea where he was. And since going back wasn't an option, there was only forward to go, and he continued on the old, beaten highway. It shouldn't be too long before he got to a gas station, and get himself an ice cold beer.

He had little idea what lay ahead.

To be continued,

Bixyl Shuftan